Tired and weak

Everything is becoming more and more of an effort. I'm dressed and packed and ready to go out later--I can't even remember the last time I was out, but I couldn't have done it without Judy's help, and lots of rest between each step. Yesterday afternoon, when Susan was here, I took a shower and she combed my hair. Marty is out getting his things together so we can go to the hotel in Cambridge once we have met with the person from the new hospice, who is coming here this afternoon.

After a few days of lovely springlike weather it's gotten cool and grey again. It keeps looking like it will rain. So I will probably need a light jacket, although I'll be mostly indoors, of course.

I feel such frustration at not being able to do things for myself. I get up to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth and get exhausted just from that. I'm going to have to figure out ways to do some things differently--like maybe get one of those little basins that they use in the hospital and brush my teeth in bed instead of standing at the sink. I have this thing about brushing my teeth every time I eat something; if I don't I feel very uncomfortable. I'll just have to find ways to do things using less energy, as my reserves get less and less, and also try to deal with the frustration.

It will feel good to attend the HSRI dinner tonight and the board meeting tomorrow and function as something other than a "professional invalid." At the last HSRI board meeting I had just gone into hospice and I announced it there--I'm sure some of the people didn't think I'd make it to this one. I'm not sure whether or not I did...but here I am!