Staying awake

I slept till eight this morning but have been awake all day, although still very tired and weak. Kathy was here and said that it might be because I've been taking a bit more morphine (which makes it easier to breathe), so I'm trying to cut back on that a little bit. I'm less hungry than I've been--last night I knew I needed to eat something so I could take my meds, but couldn't think of anything I wanted until Marty suggested some rice pudding.

He's out running some errands now and I asked him to get the ingredients for pea soup, which I certainly would have eaten last night if we'd had any. He said I will need to talk him through making it, but it's easy, just split peas, water, some chopped onion, salt, pepper, and carrots, then simmer till the peas disintegrate.

The other day I started wondering whether Peter and Ginger B. knew I was ill; since Peter's retired and they moved to Ithaca, so I sent them an e-mail and very promptly got one back from Ginger, who of course was sorry to hear my sad news, but very glad to be in touch. She read the blog and easily picked up how being in hospice has brought me great peace of mind.

I thought my new hospice volunteer was supposed to come this afternoon, so I suggested to Marty that he set me up in the living room on the new chair with all the things I needed within reach, and we finished the Sunday Times puzzle (we had done the Tuesday puzzle in the morning). The volunteer never showed up, but I told Marty I was sure I would be fine and after a bit Susan arrived (I had lost track of which days she was coming), so she put fresh sheets on my bed and did some laundry). She won't be back again till next week, but Ann just called and she's able to be here basically all day on Friday. We definitely need to find at least one more person--I'll check with Julie to see if she put something on the Arlington list. I'll have to call hospice to check out the volunteer situation.

This morning I had a little attack of the blues, feeling bad about being so helpless, but Marty comforted and reassured me that he would take care of me, which made me feel so much better.