A rotten day

After feeling so strong most of the week, it was so discouraging to wake up this morning feeling extremely weak and tired. I have spent almost all day in bed, a lot of it sleeping. Kathy came this morning and she suggested that I put on the bi-pap, which helped, and after she left I think I slept for several hours. I had meant to call to cancel my pedicure appointment, and didn't realize how late it was until the woman from the salon called to ask if I was coming. I apologized to her for not calling, and then I think I went back to sleep again.

Days like today make it much harder to focus on the positive. Somehow, I need to find a way to acccept the idea that I'm only going to become weaker and weaker. One of these days when I go out, it's going to be for the last time. I want to see spring come. A few mornings ago when I woke up I heard a bird chirping, but it's still very cold, it snowed a little bit last night, and I think it's supposed to rain or snow over the weekend. I want to see the trees turn green. I want to see flowers. Yesterday when Marty arrived, he brought not only groceries, but a big bouquet of flowers, which made me feel so happy. He knows the things that make me feel good.

Kathy said she'd have someone from hospice call tomorrow to check in and see how I'm feeling. I just hope I wake up feeling better. It's strange how I can tell when I wake up, even as I am just opening my eyes, what kind of day it's going to be.