Monday, February 23, 2009

Feeling stronger

I woke up this morning knowing it was going to be a good day. I took a shower, for the first time in a week--it felt so good to be clean! It made me a little tired, but nothing I couldn't handle, so different from just a few days ago when any time I got out of bed I just needed to crawl back in.

Acupuncture always makes me feel good. I have no idea what long-term effects it may have, but I'm hopeful that it will be good for me. Even if it's only the placebo effect, it has value. I always leave the session with a sense of calmness and peace.

We stopped for lunch and by the time we got home I was tired, but not exhausted. So I'll probably spend the rest of the afternoon just resting and taking it easy. I think I'll stay dressed for the rest of the day--I spend so much time in my robe. I love my robe--I actually have two soft fleece robes, one pink and one mint green--but being dressed makes me feel like less of an invalid.

Yesterday was the first time in a long time that I spent the whole day alone, and I felt quite comfortable with it. I was able to get up to make my tea, to have lunch, to do some straightening up. There are times when I can't do those things for myself. I'm going to have to work on my head about how it feels to need more help, not to be able to do things for myself. Right now, that's very difficult emotionally.

Maybe it's time for a nap.


  1. Dear Judi,
    I've been following your blog since I learned about it from MindFreedom a few weeks ago. I had the pleasure of meeting and interviewing you (for KRZA community radio) when you were in Denver at the Alternatives 2004 conference. Your strong voice as an activist for social change has always been an inspiration to me. Thank you for continuing to share your journey with those of us who have come to know and love you.

    Mary Van Pelt
    Alamosa, CO

  2. Hi Judi

    lots of love from Jan in UK. Hope you have a good day today.

  3. I have been sitting here for a few minutes contemplating your ending comments about the emotional difficulty of "how it feels to need more help, not to be able to do things for myself." What struck me was the difference between that and what you wrote in your very first entry: "I feel confident that I will be taken care of, in accordance with my comfort is the center of hospice philosophy. This is totally in line with the model of the mental health system we've been promoting all these years..." So what does your emotional difficulty with needing help mean to the model of the mental health system? "Independence" has never meant doing everything for yourself, sick or well--none of us really can. It has always meant deciding what was to be done, when it concerned you, and making choices and having your preferences respected. What you retain is the direction and the control at the core of independence. Or am I clueless?

    P.S. I am hoping to drop by this week.