Monday, March 30, 2009

Ups and downs

It's been a very up and down day. I'm feeling a little stronger than over the weekend and have been out of bed a little. A few hours ago, though, I suddenly got probably the worst sinus headache I've ever had--starting with pressure in my nose like before a sneeze, but no sneeze came, and the pressure just kept intensifying, and then I got intense pressure in my temples, too. It was so bad I was almost in tears. I called hospice and spoke with one of the nurses, who suggested I take tylenol and morphine, and in a little while it eased up. I don't usually get sinus headaches, for which I'm very grateful.

Marty is out again, but in a little while I'm expecting my friend Myra, who lives in Ithaca but is in the Boston area for a few days. I've been enjoying her beautiful harp music on the CD she sent me, and it will be good to see her in person.

One of the things that I've needed to take care of, but have been putting off, is prepaid cremation, so today I did a little Web surfing and found several local places, which I will ask Julie to look over and compare so we can make a decision. I've never liked the whole idea of burial and cemeteries; so cremation has always made sense to me. I'm not sure that Marty is completely comfortable with the idea but I also think he's reconciled to it. Julie and Jim and the kids scattered Daddy's ashes a few years ago (along with my friend Rae's, whose ashes I ended up with for some reason), and I know she'll do the same with mine when the time comes.

Something I keep obsessing about, and have brought up with Marty repeatedly, is what might happen if I am semi-conscious and unable to communicate. He has promised me that he will hold my hand and touch me and talk to me, and that he will have other people who might be there do the same thing. I have read that people in comatose states can hear and sense what is going on around them, and I want to make sure that if I am able to hear or sense anything, that people will be communicating with me.

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