Saturday, March 7, 2009

Dependence and independence (revisited)

I realized yesterday when Ann was here that I'm really improving in letting go of the things that are too hard for me to do myself. When Ann was putting the laundry away in the linen closet, she asked about where to put certain things, and my response was that she should put things wherever she could fit them. "I'm not going to micromanage the linen closet," I told her. The more I'm able to let go of things that don't, ultimately, matter, the better I will do at maintaining control of the important things. It sounds simple written down like that, but it's taken me awhile to get to this place, and I have no doubt I'll continue to struggle with these issues.

I also asked if she would mind trying to brush my hair, which has gotten pretty tangled, but which I had worried was maybe too intimate a service. I guess after showing her my soiled sheets I don't have much personal privacy left, but this too was another admission of things I can no longer manage myself, as it takes a lot of energy, so I've just been neglecting it. I had asked Marty if he thought I should ask Ann to do it, and he encouraged me, saying also that he'd be glad to do it if necessary. So I think I'll have Ann brush my hair regularly. In my old life, I used to shower and wash my hair daily, and when I do take a shower these days I find brushing and combing my hair is the most exhausting part, so maybe I'll try to get into a routine where I shower when Ann is here (with the bath chair in the tub, showering is relatively easy), knowing that she will take care of my hair afterwards. It would be good if I can shower more regularly (I don't want to go to sponge baths in bed till I really have to).

I'm continuing to feel stronger, although I'm still being careful to move very slowly. I got about six hours sleep last night (definitely not enough), and have now finished breakfast and taking my morning meds. I'm continuing taking cough medicine regularly, although today I'll try to taper to a six hour schedule as Kathy recommended. It's supposed to be warm today and maybe we should try to get out later. I'll see what Marty wants to do; right now I'm giving him a chance to sleep a bit more.


  1. Judi, I'm so glad that the NY girls came up to see you last weekend! When Laura Prescott gets back from FL, I hope the two of us can make the trip to see you again.

  2. Now you're ''cooking with gas'' as we used to say...hope you're old enough to remember that expression..shifting your thinking to your own benefit.

  3. Hi Judi. I am so glad to find your blog (read an article in Toronto Star and saw it mentioned there) I have COPD too and don't really talk about it very much. A lot of camouflage goes on. Scary some days. Thank god you're doing this blog. You are going to be my reality check if that's ok.