Here it is Saturday again, and I am just watching time creep slowly by, with little to distinguish one day from the next. Yesterday Marty suggested that we go out for dinner, just to get out of the house, and I suggested the Tibetan restaurant we went to a few months ago with a group of Marty's friends, which I hadn't expected to like but was quite surprised by, and we had another delicious meal. As always, it was good to get out.
On Friday, we had a meeting with Nancy, the new social worker, and a lot of simmering hostility between Marty and Julie came out into the open. Although this is very painful for me, I think that it's better to get these things out to the point where they can be talked about, and I am hopeful that we will get things to a better point. It's very hard for me to see the people that I care about not getting along, but I know that they both care about me and are trying to do the right thing as they see it. Nancy met with me alone, briefly, and then went upstairs to talk with Julie alone, and we're all going to meet again next week.
I continue to think things would be better if I died soon--I'm just hanging around being unproductive and unhappy and spending money, and I am going to hate it when the weather gets cold and it gets dark earlier and earlier. When I first went into hospice I said that my hope was to live till spring--I certainly had no idea it would be this long. There just doesn't seem to be any point to it.