Saturday, October 17, 2009

Slow, boring days

Here it is Saturday again, and I am just watching time creep slowly by, with little to distinguish one day from the next. Yesterday Marty suggested that we go out for dinner, just to get out of the house, and I suggested the Tibetan restaurant we went to a few months ago with a group of Marty's friends, which I hadn't expected to like but was quite surprised by, and we had another delicious meal. As always, it was good to get out.

On Friday, we had a meeting with Nancy, the new social worker, and a lot of simmering hostility between Marty and Julie came out into the open. Although this is very painful for me, I think that it's better to get these things out to the point where they can be talked about, and I am hopeful that we will get things to a better point. It's very hard for me to see the people that I care about not getting along, but I know that they both care about me and are trying to do the right thing as they see it. Nancy met with me alone, briefly, and then went upstairs to talk with Julie alone, and we're all going to meet again next week.

I continue to think things would be better if I died soon--I'm just hanging around being unproductive and unhappy and spending money, and I am going to hate it when the weather gets cold and it gets dark earlier and earlier. When I first went into hospice I said that my hope was to live till spring--I certainly had no idea it would be this long. There just doesn't seem to be any point to it.


  1. It's always disturbing when the ones that you love fight. I hope Nancy can help them find a way to compromise, for your sanity's sake. Try to keep good thoughts in your mind. You are loved.

  2. Hello,

    I have read a couple of your blogs and I am truly fascinated that you are taking the time to write a blog about being a hospice patient.
    I am an oncology nurse and I have taken care of many hospice patients but have never really learned what living the rest of their life was like for them. Us nurses can learn alot from you. I see that you wrote that you think it would be better if you died soon but please remember you have a purpose. Tonight, you have helped me to know how to understand my patients better. Thankyou
    You can visit my blog at

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  4. I am just begining to follow this blog. Should have done so much erlier, but have had strange days :) Judi, I think everybody is very, very important and so are we on this Shakespear´s Stage of Life !! And you made me realise (somewhat again thank God), few things : I oould die ?? today, tomorrow ???. Nobody is eternal(as everybody knows:), and though I know you have not had very good days (I must read more of your blog to know to more extent !!) we can always see some light in this bitter/sweet life. I was watching sky news and I was thinking about writing about the news, but I have decided to skip that part(negative). But I must say You are doing very much good to me by writing this blog(so I can learn and much more....) I must just say, I have NOW and the future is uncertain for All of us (I will see the curtains close in my little part of this theatre when the Controler decides, and my acting days come to close(when ??) :)!!! Hope you feel good and I will keep on reading with enthusiasm !! Godbless !!
    (I look for spelling errors like little beetles to collegt, but they might slip my grip, sorry :)

  5. Not to take space, but there was one :)