A night with little sleep

After being asleep for just a few hours, I woke up around three and couldn't get back to sleep. So I just read my New Yorker and surfed the Web for awhile. At one point Marty woke up and asked why I was awake, which always seems like a silly question ("I'm awake because I can't sleep"). I urged him to get back to sleep and eventually he did. As often happens, I'm actually less drowsy today than I was yesterday after a good night's sleep.

Nancie was here for a couple of hours and Marty asked her if she could cook the potato casserole, which she did, so I know what I'll be eating for the next few days. Ann is here with me now--Marty is out running errands, and then will be back here briefly before going out to a meeting.

After yesterday's attack of the blues, my mood is much better today. I don't know what brings on these mood changes, but I'm just trying to ride them out as best I can. It's so hard to deal with being so weak and so unable to do even the simplest things for myself. I want to get out as much as possible--I hate just sitting here and watching TV to pass the time. I don't know why I'm stronger than I was a few weeks ago, and I'm not even sure it's a good thing. When I thought I was going to die soon, I felt such a sense of peace. But instead of getting weaker, I got stronger. I wish I knew how long this was going to go on, but as Lauren has told me so often, no one knows that.