Monday, October 26, 2009

Early Monday morning

I took a long nap yesterday afternoon, so I guess it's not surprising that I woke up a little before five and couldn't get back to sleep. I came out to the living room so as to let Marty sleep peacefully for as long as possible. I feel good again today, although I'm still getting these exhausting bouts of coughing.

We really have to spend some time today getting ready for the trip and seeing how we're going to organize the enormous amounts of paraphernalia that has to come along with us. I need to check with hospice to make sure everything has been arranged from their end, and I want to call the airline to make sure that there won't be a problem with Marty's ticket (which has an extra "F" in his last name), or that I am carrying a controlled substance (liquid morphine, in a prescription bottle with my name on it). And we have to reserve a station wagon taxi, as I'm sure all our stuff won't fit in a regular taxi.

Sally called from Berkeley yesterday after reading that I was coming to Alternatives--she was really excited that we're going to see each other again. We had an interesting talk about the unhelpful things people say that they seem to think are comforting. When she tells people that she knows her cancer will come back eventually they say things like, "No, it won't," and "You're going to be fine," which is totally discounting her knowledge and her ability to live as fully as she can despite it. Similarly, I hear that I should live for a long time when that's really not what I want at this point--I want to do as many good things as I can, but always with the knowledge that the life force will run out at some point. I think I'm about as at peace with that knowledge as anyone can be, and it feels bad to hear it being totally discounted by someone who seems to think it's being helpful. It's that old elephant in the room again--death, who no one ever wants to acknowledge. But it's there, acknowledged or not, and only gains in power through being taboo.

The Giants were on TV last night, blew a lead and then could have won if Manning pulled one of his last minute touchdown drives, but it didn't work last night and it's not something a team should count on if it wants to be a winning team. Nonetheless, they still lead the division.

It's a little after six and I might just fall asleep again.


  1. dear judi.thanks your help over the years. hope you ok. i ok .love marj

  2. I was able to get my ex back after I followed the instructions at I totally recommend this site, helped me a lot, all I can say is big THANKS!!! I'm so happy now...