Yesterday, Lauren upped my amitriptyline from 30 to 40 milligrams, to see if it would help me sleep, and not only did I get a good night's sleep, but I've been drifting in and out of sleep all day. Feeling as weak and out of it as I do, this is just as good a way to pass the time as any.
I had an appointment with a film crew who are making a documentary for PBS about the disability rights movement, but when they showed up at one o'clock they decided they couldn't film because of the construction noise from the house across the street that is being remodeled. They went to talk to the workmen, who said that they wouldn't be working tomorrow, so it has been rescheduled to be shot then. Talking about this stuff always energizes me, so I'm looking forward to it. And on Sunday we're scheduled to go to Dan's for a small dinner party--David Oaks will be in town--and if I'm not feeling strong enough to get there it will be moved here.
But today I just feel very blue and useless and sick and tired of going on and on like this. My head hurts, I'm weak, it's hard to breathe, and I just go from the bed to the chair and there just doesn't seem to be any point to it any more.
Marty surprised me with a cheesecake he had mail ordered from Junior's in Brooklyn (www.juniorscheesecake.com) --the real New York cheesecake we're always talking about. We're trying to decide whether to bring it on Sunday or just eat it all ourselves! The only pleasure I seem to find these days is in eating all kinds of fattening goodies.