I've been feeling so bad all week that it was kind of amazing that Thanksgiving was so good. Friday and today I'm back to feeling weak and out of breath--it is just so discouraging. Last night I also had trouble sleeping, and was up a good part of the night watching TV. But it's at least better than Wednesday, the day I was so weak I had to make it from the bedroom to the living room in stages of a few steps at a time, with strategically placed chairs along the way.
I am just so sick of this. Every little thing makes me tired, and I have been dropping off to sleep several times during the day. The thing that scares me the most is lingering on in this stage indefinitely. In a few weeks it will be a year since I have been in hospice; at that time I said that I just wanted to live long enough to see spring, and here it is getting into another winter. There's just no point in living like this, and yet I just seem to go on and on. At least I'm not in pain--that would be far more awful--but I just continue to get weaker and weaker, able to do less and less.
Marty continues to be a source of strength and support, reminding me that he loves and cares about me. This would be so much harder without him in my life.