Monday, November 23, 2009

Trying to get a good night's sleep

After being so groggy most of the day yesterday, I had no trouble falling asleep, and both Marty and I were soundly asleep at two A.M. when my Lifeline machine suddenly went off--"It's time to test your Lifeline." This machine is loud on purpose, so it can be heard no matter what room I'm in, so of course we both woke with a start, and after that neither one of us got much restful sleep. (Lifeline is a service that gives you a button to push if you should fall or have some other emergency when you're alone in the house, and they will send help.)

Marty likes to go to sleep with the TV on and the timer set so that it turns off after an hour, and I'm pretty used to that, but last night he was watching something eerie or disturbing (I can't remember exactly what), so I asked him to change the channel, and he gave me the remote so I could put on something that wouldn't bother me. I put on a show called "Platinum Weddings," which shows these really extravagant weddings, and which I enjoy in some weird way. He fell asleep, and I watched that on and off, drifting into sleep but never really soundly, thinking several times that it was morning but discovering that it was four A.M., then five, and then I must have finally gotten into a deep sleep because it was twenty after eight. Our morning pattern is to watch two episodes of "The West Wing," which start at eight, and we're almost always awake by then. I'm less groggy than I was yesterday, but I'm sure would feel even better if I'd slept soundly through the night.

This morning I called the Lifeline service, which is based at Mount Auburn Hospital, to complain, and got some "explanation" that really didn't explain much. The guy said that if it hadn't been tested in the last thirty days this could sometimes happen, and I tried to emphasize that it should never happen in the middle of the night. The upshot of it is that they are going to send me some stickers for my calendar to remind me to test it within each thirty day period, whereas I really think the onus should be on them. I am using Lifeline for peace of mind, but after this might want to reconsider if it's more trouble than it's worth.


  1. ...and more whining... maybe we should all have a pity party!

  2. Anonymous you very ignorant and I hope you don’t ever end in the position of dying slowly from a respiratory disease because you will deeply regret what you’ve said here. Judi is dying with dignity and sharing her final months with us and we are privileged to hear her last words, and other people who will be facing a death such as hers will find her blog really helpful to them because services provide little info on the actual process of dying. Judi is very kindly offering us personal insight into the process and using what little energy she has left to do so. Please act with more dignity yourself.

  3. I have dignity. It's Judi who asks all to feel badly for her, while she could be focusing her limited energies on making peace with her family. Her behavior forced her own daughter and grandchildren to move. Her child would have done anything to help her. Instead she has created a web of caretakers whose only purpose is to say, "poor Judy and Marty". All while Marty steals all Judi's hard earned money. I have no doubt the dying process is agonizing but Judi is a drama queen if I have ever seen one.

  4. Life isn’t always that simple, and you’re not there, who are you to pass judgement?

    Judi is admired across the world because of the kind of person she is as well as her lifetimes work. If you find Judi’s blog and life so unacceptable then go away, no one’s forcing you to read it. Having a go at a dying person is really cheap and nasty. Go and get a life of your own whilst the rest of us who care about Judi make the most of her final moments.

  5. What kind of a person takes cheap shots anonymously at a hospice patient? And, to top it off, does the very thing they accused Judi of doing a while back - talking about her family without their permission.

    With the information you have presented, this sounds like someone with an axe to grind. It just reeks of bullying.

    I agree with anonymous #2. If you don't like Judi, don't read her blog. It is as simple as that. What you are doing is beyond the boundaries of good taste or kindness. It is just plain cruel to taunt a dying woman like that regardless of what judgements you have made about how she lives her life.

  6. The first anonymous is probably a Brit or Canadian, based on punctuation. US English is distinct. Either this person is not from the US, or didn't make it out of the third grade. (Not implying anything wrong with British/Canadian usage, just that it's different and any US student would have learned the basics in grade school.)

    Of course you probably have the person's IP address anyway.

  7. As far as I'm concerned, what happens within Judi's family is her business and hers alone. The dynamics of any family are under enormous strain when a loved one is dying, and underlying issues that were once small and tolerable can often become magnified. People have to do whatever is necessary to be at peace with themselves, and those around them, and we have no place to judge these decisions. Just because we are being given the honor of a glimpse of Judi's life does not give us the right to pick it apart. The same goes for Judi's relationship with her significant other. To say Marty is stealing from Judi is pretty bold. Marty's financial situation has not ever been mentioned here, and it's also none of our damned business. Even if Judi were generously providing financially for her significant other, it is between them, and it is their choice. It deeply troubles me that end of life issues almost always pare us down to our basest instincts of greed. It always seems to be about money, how much is there, who is footing the bill, and will there be any left for "me" when so and so is gone. True committment is about the very thing that Judi and Marty provide for one another, companionship, understanding, and compassion that compels them to care about one another's needs and meet them, whatever they may be, no matter the circumstances. And Judi, please know I am not defending you as though you were a defenseless child, because I know you are a strong woman able to express your own opinions. Rather, I just need to vent my frustrations out on "Anonymous", because I see these irritating situations every day in my job as a hospice aide, and I cannot express them outwardly there. But here, again, you have done yet another person (me) a great service by providing a venue in which I can share my frustrations at people who judge too quickly, and try to abuse people whom they perceive to be weak. What a world we live in. It is these very misconceptions and stereotypes you have been spending your whole life trying to change. I believe you have opened many eyes, but it just goes to show that as long as men and women procreate, we will always have some in this world who choose to view things only from predjudice and narrow-mindedness. So sad. Love ya, Judi! ---Kristen

  8. I think you should remove Laurel's name from your PCA list, Judi. Her presence is evil - in any form.

    God Bless and keep fighting that good fight.