Saturday, November 28, 2009

One good day in a sea of awfulness

I've been feeling so bad all week that it was kind of amazing that Thanksgiving was so good. Friday and today I'm back to feeling weak and out of breath--it is just so discouraging. Last night I also had trouble sleeping, and was up a good part of the night watching TV. But it's at least better than Wednesday, the day I was so weak I had to make it from the bedroom to the living room in stages of a few steps at a time, with strategically placed chairs along the way.

I am just so sick of this. Every little thing makes me tired, and I have been dropping off to sleep several times during the day. The thing that scares me the most is lingering on in this stage indefinitely. In a few weeks it will be a year since I have been in hospice; at that time I said that I just wanted to live long enough to see spring, and here it is getting into another winter. There's just no point in living like this, and yet I just seem to go on and on. At least I'm not in pain--that would be far more awful--but I just continue to get weaker and weaker, able to do less and less.

Marty continues to be a source of strength and support, reminding me that he loves and cares about me. This would be so much harder without him in my life.


  1. I'm glad you had a good TG.. & Marty.... thank you!

    I'll call you Jude.

  2. Good Luck Judi....

    Thank you so very much for inviting us into your life. Your blog is fascinating, real and important.

    I'm saddened that your daughter and her friends, like Laurel Collins, have made your life miserable. I'm more sorry that you weren't warned ahead of time that Laurel was a dark and dangerous evil that would invade your life and make it all bad. I only hope that Julie one day comes to her senses and realizes that becoming friends with LC was the worst choice of her life. Until then, know that you made the right call in ridding LC from your life. She is pure evil.

    My sense is that anonymous is Laurel Collins. It's just so sad that someone like Laurel could separate you from your daughter. So sad. I wish there were more we could do. Take good care of yourself.

  3. My sense is that people who leave anonymous hateful comments are truly sick and pathetic individuals who get off on hiding behind "anonymous" to be bullies and make baseless accusations. I think the word in Internet-world is "troll". I don't know what, if any, peace Julie found with her mother, but their relationship is no one's business but their own. Troll/Anonymous- your comments might have some validity if they were made by someone who actually knew the parties. Instead, by the time and date-stamp, it's easy to see the pathetic author is someone who picks on "everyone". Get a life, Leanne.

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