Exhaustion and pain

I know that a lot of people get worried about me when I don't post for several days, so even though I'm feeling pretty lousy I'm going to try to write at least a short entry. I have been feeling very weak for the last few days, doing a lot of coughing which tires me out, and Louise, my hospice nurse, Marty, and I all feel that the best thing to do under the circumstances is to use enough morphine and ativan to stay spaced out or napping. So I've been sleeping a lot both day and night. On Friday and Saturday nights I decided to sleep on the lounge chair in the living room, as I thought that sleeping in a propped up position would probably be more comfortable and lead to less coughing, which was pretty successful, but last night I slept in bed and that worked pretty well, too.

Louise was here this morning for her usual Monday visit (I think Lauren will be back from vacation tomorrow), and I was feeling about the same, so once again we decided I'd use morphine and ativan to try to stay comfortable, but then a short time after she left I began to experience some pretty intense pressure pain in my jaw and chest, which was scary (even though I've had this pain before and I know it is, at least in part, gas). We were worried that I might run out of morphine; Louise called in an order for that and some other drugs I was running low on, but the pharmacy said they couldn't deliver until tomorrow morning. So it was a nice surprise when they showed up a few hours later with all the drugs I had ordered.

Laurel was here for a good part of the day, and Marty was able to go out to the grocery store and some other errands, and he said he will need to do more things out tomorrow (Laurel will be here again). Also, Tim is coming for a visit and Katrina as well.

I had a lovely note from Harvey Rosenthal of NYAPRS (New York Association of Psychiatric Rehabilitation Services), which will be giving me their Lifetime Achievement Award at their conference later this month at their annual conference, which is at a Catskills resort. He wanted to know if it would be possible for him to come to visit and make a video to show at the conference, and I told him that it might be possible, if I were feeling up to it, for Marty and I to drive there (about a four hour drive). So we're going to leave both possibilities open.

Yesterday Marty got me out of the house for a little while--it was a pretty day, a bit cool but nice and sunny, and we went to Middletown, about a forty minute drive north, where there is a famous ice cream place, Richardson's, where they actually have the cows that give the milk that they use for the ice cream. I had a cup with black raspberry and something called "death by chocolate," and Marty had double Dutch chocolate and mint chocolate chip. It was a nice outing but left me very tired.

Now I'm hoping I can get a good night's sleep and maybe feel better in the morning.