Tuesday, December 1, 2009

...and more sleep...

Before I couldn't sleep, now I can't seem to stop sleeping. I've had three solid nights of sleep, plus drifting off to sleep numerous times during the day. So at least I'm no longer living under a sleep deficit. But the underlying problem, the extreme weakness, continues. Just the effort of being awake, trying to do a few normal things, is exhausting.

Marty, Marie, and I had a good conversation on Tuesday, in which I expressed my fear of hitting a plateau in this extremely weak state and just lingering here. This is the worst thing I can imagine, growing more and more miserable and frustrated as I can do less and less. And today we met with Nancy, and I talked about the same fears. I am just so weak and feeling so blue. Even doing simple things, like writing out some checks, feels like too much. I just want to lie here and watch TV or read the paper or do crossword puzzles.

I keep drifting off into a state of semi-sleep where I can hear the TV or the conversation in the room and think I am participating but of course am not making any sense. I'm tired and bored and frustrated and just don't want to go on like this much longer.

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