My improved mood has continued over the last few days, and my appetite is slowly coming back. At the same time, I am finding even the simple things I do, like moving between the living room and the bedroom, or going to the bathroom, leave me even more short of breath, and take longer to recover from. I guess moving back and forth between anger and acceptance is all part of the process.
On Monday, we stayed up late watching the Giants play Washington on Monday Night Football (which the Giants totally dominated), which got me into a bad sleeping pattern--actually, a lack of sleep pattern. I know that when I stay up too late I have trouble falling asleep, and I ended up getting only two or three hours sleep not only that night, but the next night as well. Fortunately, I broke the pattern last night, and I feel about ready for sleep now, so I'll get ready for bed as soon as I finish writing this (it's about ten o'clock now).
Today Lauren came for the visit she promised when we talked on the phone on Sunday. It was so great to see her, and we sat and talked for quite awhile, ranging from the changes in my condition over the past months, to deeper concepts like the role of hospice in our death-denying culture. She brought me a present (which I guess is going to each patient in the program)--a lovely soft little blanket embroidered "Warmest Wishes from the Hospice Team 2009.
Marty just suggested to me that I should give some (very last minute) thought to giving little gifts to my PCAs (which he would go out to buy tomorrow), but I really can't think of anything. I don't feel very Christmasy. Marty came home from running errands today with a tiny potted tree complete with tiny lights. Christmas is always a big deal to Donna, and she usually has a tree and stuff, but she's been here since the weekend because there was a big snowstorm a few days ago and Marty's been unable to take her home because her house has a narrow, steep driveway that apparently has not been completely dug out (she lives behind the main house so it's necessary to be able to get the car up the driveway for her to get home). The spot in my living room where I've always set up my tree is now the corner with my recliner, and there's really no other place for the recliner (or the tree) to go, and even if there was space, the practicalities of buying it and setting it up are just too much to think about.
The "traditional Jewish Christmas" is said to be Chinese food and a movie, so we may well end up ordering take out and watching a DVD!