Yesterday I was dozing on and off all day, so when it was bedtime I didn't want to go to sleep. I've been in a really bad mood these past few days, feeling so useless and frustrated, just wishing I could start fading away but still somehow hanging onto life. When I finally did fall asleep I had an awful nightmare that Marty was choking me and I couldn't wake myself out of it, so when I did wake up I was wide awake and felt afraid to even try to go back to sleep. I think I finally did sleep for an hour or so at around three or four, so now I'm sleepy in the middle of the day again. It will probably take me another day or two to get day and night straightened out again.
Mindy, my volunteer was here earlier, and she made me feel really good by cutting and filing my toenails and putting polish on them. They hadn't been cut since the pedicure I had before my party, and that was in August. I can take care of my fingernails, and I spend a lot of time filing and polishing them, which is good for my morale. I also wear my jewelry for the same reason. Even though I'm lying around in a nightgown and robe, with my hair not even brushed most days, it feels good to have my rings and earrings on.
Nancie just arrived, and I'm going to try to mobilize enough energy to take a shower, as it's been awhile. Marty told me he'd like to take me out somewhere over the weekend, to see if he can improve my mood.