Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Regaining strength

It's been good to realize that I'm a little bit stronger than yesterday, that I haven't permanently lost some capabilities. Most importantly, I didn't need Marty's help today getting up from the toilet, which is a great relief as it is hard for him to do. I'm still going to pursue getting a toilet surround, since undoubtedly I will need that support at some point.

Today has been a pretty good one, which I've spent mainly in the living room. Marty's plan was to take Donna home today, with Ann scheduled to stay until two-thirty, when Nancy was due, so it presented a problem when Nancy called shortly before her scheduled arrival to say she needed to take her daughter to the doctor. I called Marty, who was at Donna's house, and then called Judy, who fortunately was able to come for the afternoon.

She told me she would need to be gone for about forty-five minutes to pick up her daughter from somewhere and deliver her somewhere else, and I felt confident about staying alone for that period of time, and with the computer and the newspapers it went by pretty fast. Marty kept me posted on his progress--first he and Donna needed to get something to eat, and then get her some groceries, before he headed home.

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve--I asked Marty to buy some of the curly streamers that you throw and they uncurl (I just Googled them and discovered that they are called "serpentines"), and I'm sure we have another bottle of champagne--I'm just glad that I feel so much better than I did over the weekend, when I wouldn't have been in the mood to celebrate anything.

I suppose I should be celebrating getting through 2009, although I'm not so sure that's anything to celebrate. I guess it's good to look back on the good things that have happened this year, especially my Celebration of Life, and all the love and support I have been getting from so many people all over the world. Just yesterday I got a phone call from someone who said I probably didn't remember her, but she had met me some years ago and she wanted me to know what a positive influence I'd had on her life, as well as an e-mail from someone I met in Vancouver about ten years ago with a copy of an interview she'd done with me then and has just published in a consumer/survivor magazine (http:/wcmhn.org/bulletin_files/Bulletin-Winter-09a.pdf). It's things like this that continue to remind me of the good my work has done, and that I'm still able to do useful things even as I can no longer physically manage to do very much at all.

I have no idea what 2010 will bring--of course, no one does, but living with the daily knowledge of my own mortality makes me even more aware of the little things (like the yummy dish of spaghetti with garlicy olive oil and parmesan cheese that Marty just brought me).

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