I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night, because all night I was struggling to breathe, even with the bi-pap mask on (which usually helps a lot). It felt like there were tight bands around my chest, and I could take only very shallow breaths. Maybe if I had come a little more awake I would have taken some morphine or done a nebulizer treatment, but I was in a half-awake state where I just wasn't thinking (kind of like one of those nights when you're awake enough to know you need another blanket but not awake enough to actually go and get it).
When I woke up for good around six I was feeling really miserable--exhausted from lack of sleep and the effort of breathing. Lauren is on call this weekend, and I've spoken with her several times today. She had me doing nebulizer treatments every couple of hours, and things finally eased up by early afternoon--I'm breathing more easily and no longer feel that intense tightness in my chest. But it's left me feeling very weak--I'd love to take a shower but just don't have the energy. I've been relaxing on my lounge chair, watching TV, dozing, and talking with Judy, who is here all day as Marty had things he needed to do.
It is so hard to feel myself getting weaker and weaker. Everything is becoming more of a struggle--the last few times we've been out, it's been a major effort to get from the house to the car. Once I'm in the car, I can slowly catch up with my breathing, but it becomes one more obstacle to getting out and doing things.
I had an e-mail this morning from someone at Jacob's Pillow--good news and bad news. The facility is reasonably accessible and it sounds like they will figure out a way to deal with any problems, but there are no tickets left to see Jason Samuels Smith, which is very disappointing. I will look over the rest of the schedule and see if anything else appeals to me. It would be a lovely drive out to Western Massachusetts and Marty is always interested in the two of us doing things together, even with whatever obstacles we have to deal with (I say we, but of course it all falls on him).
I am just so sick of being sick!