Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A scary moment

I decided to sleep in the recliner again last night. I was very drowsy and had been drifting in and out of sleep for an hour or two, so around ten Marty set me up with the stuff I need and shut out the lights, and said that he would be going to bed soon himself. I was drifting off comfortably when suddenly I heard a crash. I had no idea what it was, but I was scared and kept calling out Marty's name, getting even more scared when he didn't answer. I wasn't sure what to do, but I finally got up out of the sleeping bag and got my walker. He wasn't in the office, so I headed toward the bedroom, where I found him half asleep sitting up in bed, not sure of what had fallen. I was just relieved that he was okay, but it took a long while for me catch my breath, which was extremely unpleasant.

After that, it took several hours for me to calm down enough to get to sleep, although I finally was able to sleep soundly. Today has been a day when I've had lot of trouble breathing, so I have been drifting off quite easily all day, and I hope I will slip into an easy sleep tonight. I've talked with Lauren several times, who directed me to take various medications on a schedule, and report back to her. I continue to be quite short of breath--I guess it will be important to see how I feel in the morning.

I'm back to feeling that there's not much use to living like this. Maybe tomorrow I can try to put together something for the New York Times, to show myself, once again, that my brain still works.


  1. Dear Judi - Just wanted to tell you how much I have learned from your blog. I have known about you through working in the consumer movement for so many years, and was very sorry to hear that you are ill.

    My long-time boyfriend is suffering with end-stage emphysema (although he has not gone the hospice route yet). I find that in reading your blog, I learn so much about the emotional and physical aspects of living with emphysema and have come to understand his plight much better. It has also made me a much better caretaker because I am more patient with him and his limitations. Reading your blog has given me the courage to bring up subjects with him that need to be discussed.

    Judi, thank you for being so honest and forthcoming in sharing your personal experiences. You have touched more people than you know, and I just wanted to say "thank you."

  2. Hi Judi,
    Hope your article for the New York Times goes well and you feel like an intelligednt articulate womzan again.
    You are a unique diamond and you light up the world with your intelligent provockotive thinking.
    Big hug.
    Keep warm.

  3. Judi, as a person with COPD who anticipates needing hospice care at some point, I want you to know how much I appreciate not only the courage you show in each post, but the rational and dispassionate way with which you approach your situation. It seems you have a great support team. You are indeed still extremely intelligent and of great value to those of us
    following your writing. Thank you.

  4. Great post Judi, I hope it will be useful for the people who need it. Thanks for sharing!

    - Susan
    Senior care in Northwood NH

  5. Great post, thanks for sharing! Also wanted to mention that if anyone is looking for wonderful information on home care in New Hampshire please check out the Home Instead website. Lots of great information and resources available there!

    - Sasha

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